Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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