i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
