Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
