oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
