My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
