at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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