Banned from zoo.
Again?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
