I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
