Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
