well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
