then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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