Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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