so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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