so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
