i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
