just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
