whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
