if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
