One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
