okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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