I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
