I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
