CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
