Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize