IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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