Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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