Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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