Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
