I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
