No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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