so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
