I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
my poor anus
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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