Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
