my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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