just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
