I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
