Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
