He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
