Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
