I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
