biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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