addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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