worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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