we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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