dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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