I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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