i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
