we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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