then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
