I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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