if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
