I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
