she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
