mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
